Limericks for Lisa

by Rick Williams


A wonderful friend of mine--Lisa;
Such a talented artist is she-sa!
Her pottery is stellar,
and often I tell her
how beautiful her work is to me-sa.

Though her pottery wheel is her tool,
her painting is also a jewel.
her designs do inspire,
and I love to admire;
Her elaborate patterns are so cool!

The Crossing of Paths

by Rick Williams


There once was a cute redhead named Brenda,
and we both, the same school, did attend-a.
Now that we're older
I am able to hold her
and we are finally boyfriend and girlfriend-a.

Many years have gone by and gone fast,
and though many experiences have passed,
we've found that we are
quite alike--it's bizarre,
I'm so glad we're together at last!

Limerick for Warren

by Rick Williams

A "planner-turned-screener" named Warren

Who, in thrift stores he likes to be porin’

He has roving eyes

for collectible ties

The rare ones are the ones he likes scorin’

A Forgotten Limerick to Melinda

By Rick Williams

[I just discovered this on one of my hard drives.  It's from several years ago and unpublished until now!]


The favorite cousin of mine
who loved to have guests over to dine
her hugs felt so right
and she held me so tight
that between us no daylight did shine.

She loved a good laugh and would flirt,
she liked to have fun but not hurt
"We'll be married," she'd boast,
"if our spouses are toast"
"and I don't care about gossip or dirt."

I knew it was wrong for such thoughts
tried to push them aside but could not
It was obvious to me
I'm as naughty as she
Besides... She has always looked hot!

I wonder why she's never asked
for a ride on my Hog, slow or fast
Perhaps if I dared
or maybe compared
the vibrations to orgasms past?

I like to give rides to good friends
but only to ladies, not mens.
The way they hold tight
feels amazingly "right"
and makes me go agains and agains.

The parties she held were all great
The food and the drink were first rate
The guests she invited
always pleased and delighted
and everyone laughed as they ate.

Good ol' Milt was always a blast
He always dressed well and with class
We'd laugh and we'd joke
and the stories he spoke
They were interesting things from his past.

The old relatives would usually show too
reminiscing the whole evening through
But they're family you know,
so no dismay would we show
As their numbers are getting to be few.

It's funny how as we get older
we speak and we act so much bolder
perhaps it's the fire
of hidden desire
that burns after enough time to smolder.

Hobbled by Insomnia

by Rick Williams

A beautiful woman, Ms. Cruz
is stricken with non-sleeping blues.
She tries everything
that the pharmacists bring,
but still lies non-sleeping, confused.

"Why me?" She must ask when she tries
to get sleep but instead only cries.
"What did I do
that causes me to
lie awake every night with closed eyes?"

There must be some way she can fight
this curse that she faces each night.
She only wants sleep
and not fleeting, but deep.
In such a person as she it's not right.

I've known her almost all of my years
since our kindergarten naps and paint smears
so to trade places with her
every other night, I'd endure
At least on some nights to sleep she'd adhere.

Titanium Class

by Rick Williams

[I went to a free work-sponsored day-long class today at Southcenter. The following is a result of my experience:]


I went to a class on titanium
a bit much for my diminutive cranium
Some of it: good
most not understood
Even though they tried hard to explainium.

Irish Limericks

by Rick Williams


There once was a leprechaun named Sam
who drank Guinness all day by the dram.
His thimble he'd tip
and take a large sip
and he'd say, "What a drunkard I am!"

The flaming red hair of a lass
who is Irish--in blood and in sass
always catches my eye
It's a weakness that I
am cursed with, and I doubt it will pass.

Retiring Jim

by Rick Williams

[Once again someone at work retired and I was inspired with a couple verses of limerick to jot down for the occasion.  FYI: Jim has a side business raising Tilapia.]


A Boeing employee named Jim
is leaving--perhaps on a whim.
Instead of him here
he'll sit home with a beer
and watch his Tilapia swim.

I really don't know him that well
but he's an awful nice guy--I can tell.
But no more can we blame
him when something goes lame;
Now there's one less plan checker to yell.

We wish you the best days ahead
as you lie there uncaring in bed
no alarm clock to scream
you can lay there and dream
or do what your wife says instead.

Bill the Instructor

By Rick Williams


[this was written today as a thank-you for the instructor I had during a training class for up-and-coming manufacturing engineers]

There once was a teacher named Bill

who did what he could to instill

how to be an M.E.

but it was hard, for you see;

our capacity to learn was quite nil.

More Coworker Limericks

by Rick Williams


[I wrote these at work sometime back around 2004 or so, killing time while running a high-speed stamping press.  I remembered writing them, but I had given them up as lost until I just discovered them in a box of papers yesterday.  They're not my finest work by any means.]


There once was an idiot named John
who we are glad that is finally gone.
It became very clear
that when he was near
Something was bound to go wrong.

There once was a man named B.Z.
whose head was quite shiny you see.
The long stories he'd tell
would trap you in hell
and you wanted so badly to flee.

We all know that Bernie is tight.
Spending money, to him, is a fright.
If you need a new pen
better have a trade-in
or he'll put up one hell of a fight.

There once was a man named Bruce L.
who could fix anything, and do it well.
When something would break
his tools he would take
and his corn-nuts and his whistle as well.

There once was a buyer named Dale
who loved it when there was a sale.
Parts or supplies
the obscure:  No surprise
he could find it and seldom would fail.

Everyone's favorite, Elaine
is blessed with good looks and a brain.
There is little or no doubt
if she ever walks out
this place'll be unbelievably plain.

To check out part specs we see Dan.
When it comes to measures--he's the man.
You'd better well bet
that the numbers he gets
are the same as the ones on the plan.

Rod from de-burr used to lie.
He'd stand there straight-faced and deny.
His hands--they would shake,
and he'd say, "I didn't take"
Until the boss finally tired and said, "Bye."

[I apparently even wrote one about myself!]

Rick was the noisiest man
making noises all day was the plan.
People showed disbelief
at his comic relief
fearing one day he'd get out of hand.

Rhymes for the Workplace Bathroom

By Rick Williams


[I wrote each of these to combat specific problems where I used to work]


Apparently from what I am seeing
you pick your nose while you are peeing.
Please stop it quick
'fore we get sick.
On that we're all agreeing.
_____

To flush these you must do it quick;
don't pull the handle slow.
You have to do it with a flick
to stop the water's flow.

Unless you really like to mop
the floor up every day,
flush it quick so it will stop
and dry our feet will stay.

Emailed Rhymes to Dana

By Rick Williams


[Dana was the administrative assistant where I worked.  A great sense of humor and a certain amount of craziness emanated from her all the time.  The following rhymes were all things that popped into my mind and were emailed to her at various times when we worked there.]


There once was a woman named Dana
Who fell and her ass was in pain-a
It hurt her to sit
and to pee and to (uh, you know)
So from wild sex had to refrain-a.

------

Ally, Dana's beautiful daughter
to LaCroy her mom finally brought her.
She has very nice clothes
and the reason I knows
is 'cause Dana borrows some that she got her.

The mouthful of braces she had
that were bought by her mom & her dad
are finally gone
and now she can yawn
without the embarrassment she had.

Now her beautiful smile is all done
and her teeth can shine bright like the sun.
All those nice pearly whites
can shine brightly like lights
and her grin will now dazzle and stun.

------

A whoosh as Dana hurried by;
a flash of purple too.
A merry twinkle in her eye
a smile and by she blew.

Her energy seemed limitless
no pausing ever shown.
She's lucky that she wore no dress
or high it might have flown!

------

Here's a note.
I'd like to say:
I hope you have
a decent day.

I'm sorry for your
family woes
and all the stuff
that with it, goes.

Just so you know that
as your friend
I'm behind you and
support I send.

------

Dana is a naughty girl
or maybe she's pretending,
but either way is fine with me;
no risk of her offending.

I'm just a dirty-minded man
with titties on the brain
and from those thoughts of nakedness
I find I can't abstain.

Undressing ladies in my mind
is something that I do
but I've never actually attempted
to use a mirror on my shoe.

Suggestive comments, body moves
or any of that stuff
all energize my shallow mind--
I just can't get enough.

So Dana: Lay it on as thick
as you feel like you can
naughty stuff just makes my day
'cause I am just a man.

Lethargic Limerick

By Rick Williams


While commuting to work one fine day
it struck me how little I play.
Is my energy just low
or have I gotten just so
used to sitting down all stinkin' day?

A Limerick for Gwen

By Rick Williams


A golden-haired woman named Gwen
who was special to me way back when
We had some good times
although none involved rhymes
I was apparently less poetic back then.

Limericks of Coworkers

By Rick Williams


There once was a driver named Bill
who seemed to have only one skill:
Doing everything slow
was his usual M.O.
The chance of him working was nil.

He coughs like he's dying of T.B.
He smokes like a chimney, you see.
If he laughs at your jokes
he will cough 'til he chokes
and his face will turn red as can be.
_____

Tenny is trailer-trash grade
whose lifestyle is naught but charade
his upperclass cars
are old beaters with scars
When he hired on the boss was well played.

The right-winger he pretends hard to be
is all so his bosses will see.
He has zero clues
of political news;
He's brown-nosing I'm sure you'll agree.
_____

Katie, a new girl that was hired
because Scott, under work was so mired
she has a nice smile
and she knows how to file
So I hope that her skills are admired.

Sometimes when she puts up her hair
I see her tattoo and I stare
I wonder, "Are there more?
Does she have tats galore?"
But inquire such a thing I don't dare.
_____

There once was a guy named Metheny
who lived his whole life for his weenie.
When he'd find him a chick
she would point at his dick
"It's cute but a little too teeny."
_____

There once was a tall fellow named Brandon
who spent all day with papers he scanned in.
Sometimes he'd clean,
or even run a machine;
and occasionally run software he planned in.

The Commute

By Rick Williams


Each weekday I commute in my car,
and luckily I don't drive too far.
To help pass the time
I'll make up a rhyme
While I'm captive like bugs in a jar.

Most of the year there's no light,
so I drive under cover of night.
There's not much to see
during the morning Grand Prix,
but the endless red brake lights in sight.

It's funny the things you DO see;
One guy surprised even me.
He ate cereal from a bowl
while continuing to roll
at full speed--as he steered with his knee!

I sometimes see makeup-type stuff
being applied when it's daylight enough.
They drive while they paste
all that stuff on their face
and their hair they will comb, brush, and fluff.

And then there's the lane-changing bunch...
Into the tiniest gap they will scrunch.
They don't gain much ground
and you'd think they'd have found
that they're flirting with causing a crunch.

At full speed on the freeway one day
multitasking in the midst of the fray,
I saw a guy with a book
and he occasionally would look
through the windshield and again look away.

I see tailgating constantly too.
Some are close as a mere yard or two.
No matter the speed
they just feel the need
to not ever lose their place in the queue.

Some folks ride along and will use
their commute as a chance for a snooze.
When they arrive at their place
of employment they face
the sequel of the "waking up blues".

I've heard of some people doing more
while battling the commuting war.
They learn something new
like a language or two.
It's useful time they can't seem to ignore.

I suppose that there are those that will look
for any possible excuse in the book
to leave their home life,
bitchy husband or wife
for a quiet, peaceful drive off the hook.

So in the morning go and stumble outside,
and climb sleepily into your ride.
Don't forget to show up
with your large coffee cup
Lest you arrive at your work looking fried.

Limericks for Mark

By Rick Williams


Mark is a Volkswagen man
who is moving his entire clan.
When he took stock of his stuff
he found it was tough
to fit all of his goods in a van.

For an easier move he could tell
that his "baby" he needed to sell
the rag top, his treasure
and that gave him no pleasure
but for his family he'd bid it farewell.

Selling a guy's project car
can leave an emotional scar,
and it is even more so
when you know there is no
other like it either here or afar.

The accumulation of car stuff takes time
and costs many a nickel and dime,
so to let any go
is most surely a blow
to a fellow that loves grease and grime.

Moving can be quite a chore
whether local or to faraway shore.
Because we accrue
there is so much to do
when we pack boxes ready to store.

Just remember in the midst of it all,
when everything you do seems to stall:
You can always just ask
if you need help with a task
Be it email or a telephone call.

Pictures

By Rick Williams


I checked the web and found them still there
twenty-eight pics of me bare
from a few years ago
when I opted to show
everything to my friends lurking there.

It's the naturist in me I guess
that makes it a challenge to dress
I'd rather be bare
feeling breeze in my hair
It's a feeling that I hate to repress.

There's a little exhibitionist too
that came out when I'd allow them to view
I'd succumb to a dare
without even a care
and off all the clothing then flew.

The Meeting

By Rick Williams


The once was a woman named Kerri
who wanted a man, but was wary.
She'd been married before
but the union was poor
the details of which I will spare ye.

While on the computer one day
she stopped into a chat room to stay.
The people would greet
everyone they did meet.
Not one unkind word would they say.

And chatting in there on that day
was a man who had hair specked with gray.
Upon checking she found
he was married, and she frowned
Why does it always seem to happen this way?

But although her conscience said, "Run!"
she found that it couldn't be done.
His picture was cute
and she couldn't refute
That he said so many things fun!

She thought she could stop but could not
when the flirting became very hot.
She thought, "Here's a chance
for a little romance.
That is, if he doesn't get caught."

One day when she felt very bold
"Either act now or I will be old."
She said, "Can we meet
and get something to eat
and see what the future may hold?"

The timing was right--now or never.
With his wife gone, he need not be clever.
If it didn't work out
Or an ass he turned out
Ties with him she could then sever.

They agreed on a nice public place
for their first ever face-to-face.
If he got out of hand
with his hands or demands
she could try out her new can of mace.

They laughed and they talked while they ate
and they sipped on their drinks and felt great.
The karaoke crowd
made the bar very loud,
and by the time that they left it was late.

They walked out to their cars to go
and they hugged very tightly you know.
And while both had been drinking
they were also both thinking
That their feelings had just started to show.

They met once again the next day,
both of their heads swimming with thoughts to convey.
Neither knew what to do
but one thing they knew:
This thing felt too good to just let slip away

They both settled into his ride.
Where to go was quite hard to decide.
But he talked of a store
full of furniture to explore
"We'll be there in minutes," he lied.

He took the slowest route he could find
To make use of their being confined.
They talked and they smiled
And were both quite beguiled.
"She's so sexy!" he thought in his mind.

They got to the store and walked around,
occasionally stopping and sitting down.
when they went by a bed
thoughts entered her head,
but no handcuffs were anywhere to be found.

"There's espresso outside," he then told her.
And while in line he caressed her shoulders.
The feeling she got
made her melt on the spot.
and he wanted so badly to hold her.

They decided that back to her car they would go,
but a parade was in town and traffic was slow.
He knew is way 'round
the alleys of town,
and they managed to stay out of the flow.

They stopped at a very small park
with a view, and again felt that spark.
They touched and they hugged;
it was like they were drugged.
They could have easily stayed until dark.

Back where her car was he heard himself say,
"What should we do now for the rest of the day?"
She looked at his face
and said, "How 'bout my place?"
And his answer, of course, was, "Okay."

She opened the door and she stood up alongside
then, forgetting her purse, she leaned back inside.
"Nice view," he then said
as he nodded his head
to those beautiful breasts that he eyed.

"Lead me to the freeway," she said with a smile,
"Then I'll get in front for the rest of the while."
"I'll try not to lose you"
and then off she flew to
her shiny white sports car with style.

Her small apartment was neat as a pin.
But still she fussed nervously within.
She said, "It's hard to impress
when the place is a mess
But I didn't expect this, so cleaning didn't begin."

She went and she got him a beer
and made her a drink while he stood near.
They sat down to relax
but they didn't need snacks:
They were hungry for each other, that was clear.

As the hours wore on, they snuggled every which way,
and most of their clothing also got lost in the fray.
Down to loose pants
they were in a love trance,
when they decided they should stop the love play.

Both reluctantly slowly got up and got dressed
for they both knew in their hearts that it was best.
There would be other days
that their passion could blaze,
and it would give time to consider the feelings expressed.

So, alas, they said goodnight and they parted,
and they hoped to continue what had started.
It was basically the end
of the perfect weekend
they each thought sadly as he departed.